For many parents, suicide can feel like a foreign, scary topic they’d prefer to avoid – with good reason. And yet, talking about suicide and acknowledging its very real presence in our communities is one of the best ways to help prevent it and to help improve kids’ mental health.
We sat down with Boise parents James and Samia McCall, who lost their 14-year-old daughter, Maisa, to suicide last November. They told us that parents need to stay aware of the suicide and mental health crisis, because this complex issue involves far more than personal struggles. As Samia states in her blog:
“Sometimes when fish are sick and dying, we need to look at the water they’re swimming in.”
On Losing Their Daughter to Suicide and Improving the Mental Health and Well-Being of our Youth
Interview with James and Samia McCall
Q: What would you like people to know about your daughter Maisa?
Samia: She was funny, kind, and highly empathetic. She was most comfortable outdoors, barefoot, in the middle of nowhere, where she could see as many stars as possible. She wanted people to be kinder to each other, to take care of the earth. It was very hard for her to see the way people treat each other and the extreme polarization that’s going on right now.
James: I used to think – like many people – that kids who die by suicide are usually sad, withdrawn loners. Or they have a history of substance abuse. But that’s a stereotype. Lots of people don’t realize it but college athletes are at higher risk, and so are high-achieving kids who are trying to make a difference.
Samia: We’ve been amazed at how many other parents who’ve lost a child to suicide have described their child as very bright and very empathetic, just like Maisa.
James: There’s a huge need to de-stigmatize suicide. Our kids are in crisis, especially our girls. The percentage of girls that are having suicidal ideation, mental health problems and anxiety is staggering. And they need our help.
FACT: 30% of female high school students have seriously considered attempting suicide. (CDC, 2021)
FACT: In 2023, there were 14 youth suicides in Ada county.
FACT: Idaho has the fifth highest rate of youth suicide in the country (CDC, 2020)
FACT: In 2022, 44% of high school students in the Boise School District experienced moderate to severe depressive symptoms.
Q: What kinds of support do kids that are experiencing anxiety, mental health problems and suicide ideation need?
James: It’s a complex issue because every kid is different and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. I think having a trusted adult at school can make a big difference – one person they know and that knows them that they can go to if they need help. But that’s tricky because most school counselors are responsible for 500 kids. And there are so many restrictions on teachers in terms of what they can say or do. So that’s where peer support groups and suicide education can help.
Did you know?
Evidence-based upstream suicide prevention programs and peer support groups in middle and high schools help kids recognize signs of a struggling peer and learn how to support them. There are two groups found in Boise schools: Hope Squad and Sources of Strength.
Learn more about Hope Squad or Sources of Strength and ask your school administrators if your kids’ schools have them.
Q: What else can make being at school hard for teens?
Samia: So many kids have anxiety these days and there’s so much pressure at school. But our kids need to feel safe at school. I don’t think we need multiple active shooter drills, especially since the reality is that it’s way more likely a school will experience the tragedy of suicide than the tragedy of a school shooting. I also don’t think we need to start multiple rounds of standardized testing – in third grade! That’s causing a lot of unnecessary anxiety – really early.
James: Later start times could also really help teens – the science is there to support that.
Learn more about how starting school later can benefit teen mental health.
Q: What about extra support for kids who are neurodivergent?
Samia: We now know that Maisa was what’s called “twice exceptional,” which means she was both gifted and neurodivergent. And being both these things puts a kid at a much higher risk for suicide. Why? Because they’re told they’re so smart and special and they can do math three grades ahead of their peers. But then they struggle to remember to bring their homework or to navigate the lunchroom – things that come easily to many kids. It doesn’t compute that they can be so smart and also feel so challenged by everyday tasks. And that can lead to deeply internalized feelings of failure.
James: There’s a huge need to identify neurodivergence earlier, especially in girls, because things like ADHD and autism can present so differently in girls. The earlier these conditions are identified, the more support we can offer to help them understand how and why they move through the world differently. We also need to help educate teachers and other kids about what it’s like to be neurodivergent, how kids are not all wired in the same way. This will help more kids at school feel seen and understood and like they belong – instead of feeling terrified to walk into school each day.
Watch this video: “Walk in My Shoes” to see how challenging walking through the halls can be for a neurodivergent kid.
Q: What are some takeaways other Boise parents should know about teens and suicide?
We need to de-stigmatize suicide. As long as it’s stigmatized, kids are not going to be able to get the help they need. We need to talk more about it, not assign blame to any one cause, and come up with multi-pronged solutions to address it.
Autism and ADHD present differently in girls than boys. If they're identified early, it can help in many ways, including the already difficult transition from elementary to middle school.
Suicide is a disease reaching epidemic proportions among youth. Our society needs better treatment for it. Telling a kid to simply call a suicide hotline like 988 is like asking a kid who has a broken leg to get themselves out of the middle of the street. The burden of getting help and treatment cannot be on the person who is seriously hurting.
Q: Why did you choose to donate money to You. Me. We. All?
James: They've been a parent group that's been curious and willing to listen to our story – and they’ve reached out and asked us things we haven't been asked by others. It’s a parent group that cares and it feels like we need more adults that care – and are willing to pitch in and make things better. I also love that they’re approaching youth mental health from multiple angles.
“If we can help one family avoid what we’ve gone through, it will be worth it.” ~ James McCall
Samia: We want this generation to have hope, like we did as kids. Because they're cool kids. They're really great kids and they deserve to have hope for their future.
Read more about the 4-pronged approach of You, Me, We, All to improve youth mental health and well-being in our community.
Q: What can a concerned parent do to promote upstream suicide prevention?
Know how to talk to your child about suicide. This guide from the American Academy of Pediatrics has good advice and talking points.
Ask your school about their suicide prevention policies and protocols.
Learn more about resources for upstream suicide prevention and help others learn more too!
Advocate for creating neurodiverse-affirming spaces.
Download these helpful resources from The Speedy Foundation:
Our heartfelt thanks to Samia & James McCall for sharing their story and their precious daughter with us. We are deeply grateful for your advocacy for neurodivergent youth and suicide prevention in our community. To learn more about resources for neurodivergent youth and youth suicide, please visit samiamccall.com or subscribe to Samia and James' powerful blog, Maisa Space.
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